He disappeared into the streets again. I don't know where he is, how he is. No phone. Missed the latest court date. Signs of psychosis. Back to using. Is he sunburned, starving, dehydrated, alive? I don't know!
What's it like for you to just not know? I hear the struggle from so many of us, these overwhelming worries. We are overwhelmed by our fears, they're seemingly all we can think, see, and feel. There are so many questions that just don't have an answer. I'm going to share some tips then for you that give some answers to this overwhelm of "not knowing". I invite you to open your mind and connect to your heart, so that you can contemplate HOW to care for the fears of "not knowing". 1. Breathe gently. Sit down, close your eyes, breathe in and out of your heart. Inhale through your nose, exhale fully through your mouth. Connect to your heart. Get a vision of your child in better days and put them into your heart. Get a vision of you in better days and put you into your heart. Join your heart with your child's heart, visualize this loving connection, feel it in you body and let it get into your cells, now put all your love into the brightest white light you can imagine and shine it out to your child. When you don't know, you can know how to do this. Do it now. 2. Open your mind and heart to accepting that you just can't know, don't know, and of course you don't have to pretend to like it. Consider there have been so many times in your life you haven't known, that's how I know and you can know that you can do this. You don't know, and you are still breathing, moving in the world as best you can, still capable of sending your love to your child. Release control, breathe, and consider that your power is in this practice, not in fear. 3. In this acceptance, notice, just notice that your imagination is spinning you in all kinds of directions, and probably into some very scary recollections of the past, and scary scenes of a future not yet in existence. Breathe into your heart, give yourself compassion and tons of care that it is your imagination, and you don't know. Notice the difference between staying in your imagination and fear, or accepting not knowing without all the stories that the imagination will create. You are and can create something different. Breathe into this realization and into the present. If you're like me, not knowing is probably far more peaceful than being in your scary imagination of all the worst case scenarios the mind can conjure. You know why? It's because when we impose our imagination onto a future and believe it to be accurate, we are assuming the role of God and that we are all knowing. And we're never going to be that. It's guaranteed stress. If you choose to remain in an imagined state and don't do anything about it, it is guaranteed stress. Now you know a few things you can know, and do. Will you do it? Yes! There will be fear. There will be grief. There will be worry. There can be relief. There can be peace. There are tools, methods, skills, supports, resources, other possibilities, there are a lot of things for our healing. And when we do those things, it re-minds us, re-connects us to love - the thing we want most and want most to share. It will be very painful indeed if we disconnect from Love. I don't know where or how my son is, and I trust it is better than all the places my imagination could take me. I'm thankful that I just don't know. I'm so thankful for these tools! It leaves space and energy for my healing and to re-connect with Love and Peace. I know that when I do these practices, if or when my son re-surfaces, I'll need it, and he'll need it from me. If he doesn't, I still need it. And so do others from me. And I daresay you need it too. Consider truly what you do know about self-care and healing as you allow the not knowing. And if you have any questions about that, connect with me by replying to this message. For now, please re-read the above and practice it. Repeat as needed. It can transform your fear, and bring you back to your awareness of Love. Are you going to practice? Yes! Breathe dear one, find some peace in the not knowing. In the not knowing, it frees you to send all the love in your heart to the one you love, despite not knowing. Will you do that? Yes! I know it's hard to not know, and I think it's harder to be stuck in the imagination and go on an even bumpier and scarier ride because of it. You can't and don't have to control this very natural and normal way the mind operates. Just notice when it happens and open up to allowing and accepting the not knowing. Practice. Become more comfortable with "not knowing". It's hard, yes, and these are ways to make the hard easier. Love wins here! Peace be with you and your family, Joanne Richards
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