One year, two years, five years, ten. Fear is real and it doesn't care when.
This little rhyme just came to me, not to be cute but to be real. Because when you love someone who has ever struggled with substance use, it sure seems that fears are very real! It has kicked me in the gut many, many times. How about you? And many, many times we get back up! It's not that we have to eradicate fear, it's that we really need to know how to take care of it when it arises, because it will. Here are some tips to use in the moments when fear feels so overwhelming, tips that can shift your mind into more rational thinking, restore your inner calm, and help you move forward with improved connection, communication, and collaboration. Use these tips anywhere, anytime.
Here's how it looks for me: I have a fleeting thought "he's going to relapse" and it cause me worry, takes me to past worry and fears of it repeating in the future. It takes me out of my heart and what I can do today for my own peace and to love him as is, support him as is. Truth is that I can not know if he will relapse or not. Either way, I get to love him, as is and if he does relapse he'll need that. The thought, when believed causes my own relapse when I believe it's true even though I can't know the future, even if it's already happened. It takes me away from the present and having the energy and clarity to do my part so I can be clear and present with him, or just send him love without the fear and worry attached to it. That's the kind of love he needs, me too, and what I want to feel and share. So, yes I will feel what comes up because this is is hard stuff and the emotions are valid. Along with that, I can also notice the thoughts behind it, and seek the truth of what I'm believing by asking myself if the thought is true. Even not knowing gives me relief that no it isn't totally true because I'm not the all knowing. Back to right now, in my heart, loving. If the answer is yes, my "work" is to restore my peace first and foremost, talk about it, and take care of my stress. What do you think? Let me know how this lands for you. Try it out, and let me know your experience of questioning your thoughts this way. Love wins here! For Peace and Possibility! Joanne
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