Monsters Under The Bed

No, not this time monster!

 

This monster is my son’s addiction. These drugs have their way with him. They ravage everything they touch, and everything, and everyone that cares about the one they ravage. They render him a prisoner of his mind, his body, and devour his spirit. He doesn’t seem to be able to fight back. And boom, here comes yet another monster. Believing the stories and images is so scary, that he doesn’t even know how to fight back, sends more monsters over to my home. The fears seem so real, they are so intense and pound down like a stormy sea with monster arms and legs trying to hold me under the murky waters. These monsters are out from under the bed and in my head! They want to make a home in my mind!

 

Not this time monster!

 

It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever fought in my life. One monster after another, after another. I hear myself saying things like “I can’t do this anymore” “He’s lost, he’s gone” “This is killing him” “This is killing me”. And these thoughts, when I believe them, cut me to the core. It is all too easy for them to find a home in my head and consume my mind, consume my life. It’s then that the fear intensifies as well as the disconnect from faith, from connecting with my son beyond these earthly understandings (or misunderstandings). If it’s this hard for me, I imagine how hard it is for my son, for his monsters have found a comfy home, and for now they are making the rules. Another monster. Another fear.

 

Not this time monster!

 

I’ve learned how to fight monsters. They are so scary sometimes, and they do find a seat on my sofa, but I haven’t invited them, these thoughts and circumstances just show up, and nor will I allow them to make a home in my home. I used to lay down at their feet and get trampled on. This monster, though, any monster, though, is not more powerful than my God. My God has given me new understandings. New and more tools, more supports, everything I need to fight these monsters. I will fight until I no longer need to, because when I do, I can stand up to my son’s monsters where they have less power over him, and me. I can hold this freedom in me and for my son.

 

Not this time monster!

 

I have no idea where all this is going, it does have purpose, it has great purpose, and my God is showing that to me. I will help myself, I will help my child in helpful ways, I will help anyone who wants help. Purpose to be sure! My God gives me the ways to tame these monsters, to tame the fears, to quiet my mind and calm the murky waters. I’m not going to lie and say it’s overnight, and it stops these monster fears from coming. It doesn’t, not yet, and I can’t know if it ever will, but it might. There are times it has and does. In the meantime, I trust my tool box that is full, and I trust my God to keep filling it. When I’m in that truth, using those tools to uncover the lies of fear, and shine the light of truth onto them, I trust that each and every time, it brings me back to peace. To be in the divinely given peace, to have these new understandings is love.

 

Take that monsters!

 

So, I’m putting you on notice monsters … Not this time! And not the next, and not the next. I’ve got a divine team behind me, I’ve got grace that shows up every time, I’ve got weapons and tools of mass destruction against the fear you try to use to devour me, and devour my son. And I say not this time, not any time! You might have some power, but you can not win. Addiction does not win.

 

Love wins here!

 

Joanne Richards, LCSW

Certified Family Recovery Coach

Certified Facilitator of The Work

 

I wrote this some years ago, but fear has no timeline. It likes to visit. So, it can and I can do what I do to escort it to the exit door. It can not have more of my time without my permission. I choose peace. I choose love over fear. With gratitude, my son is facing his monsters. Me too